When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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