Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
