Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize