Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

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(631): View more from New York

there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby

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(208): View more from Idaho

We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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(813): View more from Florida

Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida

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(509): View more from Washington

after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

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(727): View more from Florida

Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?

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