Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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