When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
