I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
