I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
