i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Damn victory sex feels great
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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