I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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