You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
