You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize