Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
