This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
