i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
