My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize