I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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