I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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