Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
