Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
