im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize