it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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