Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
