She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
