i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
