i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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