guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
