Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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