real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
