im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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