I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
