I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
