I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
