new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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