My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize