We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
