he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize