I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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