Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
