i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
