FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize