i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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