U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
