should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
