I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
