just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
