You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
