Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize