im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
