I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
