My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
