How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
