i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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