I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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