cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
vagina is talking i cant
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
