If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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