why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
