dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
