2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
