she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
