Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
