the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
