you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
