It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
