I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's shark week go big or go home
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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