He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize