Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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