look no pants
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
