Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
