So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
