she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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