What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
