Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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