Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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