The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
