Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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