He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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