She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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