im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
