he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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