He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
