dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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