sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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