I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize