The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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