so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
