Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
