I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
