how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
