I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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