your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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