Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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