I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am one with the molecules
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
